More is Caught than Taught

My toddler has a temper. I can’t be too surprised—my husband and I both have a temper. It’s something we are all working on as a family. We’ve been slowly getting better as we’ve made ourselves more aware of it. But boy, oh, boy. Our three-year-old princess can certainly turn into the Wicked Witch of the West in 2.3 seconds flat when she’s upset!

We didn’t know how to handle it. We tried time outs. We tried ignoring it. We tried leaving the room and giving ourselves a time out. We tried naps. We tried car naps. We tried reading the books. We tried talking to her. We tried...well, every suggestion out there.

Music helps. She begins to calm down when we play calm or happy music. I often put on worship music and begin singing, or, sometimes, I’ll put on the Frozen soundtrack to distract her. This fully makes sense to me as music does play such a huge impact on our minds and emotions. But sometimes even music doesn’t work.

One day, while I was VERY pregnant and she was VERY upset, I sat down on the floor in nearly as many tears as her and just started crying out to God for help.

I loudly began praying and asking God to bring peace to our house, to calm all the emotions swirling around, and to help us to have a better day. I told Him I was sorry for my own anger in that moment and that I wanted to be a better mom and make better choices in the future. I told him that I desired joy in my own heart and in my daughter’s heart. And I told Him all of this out loud.

Something remarkable happened when I began praying out loud. She stopped. Completely. Her tears stopped. Her screaming stopped. Her kicking of feet and gnashing of teeth (ok, there was no gnashing of teeth—but you get the picture). I think at first, she was shocked. But then I think she heard what I was doing. She knew I was talking to God. She saw that I was vulnerable, too, but that I was depending on Him to take care of us.

And she responded. She crawled over to me, sat in my lap, and said, “Jesus, I’m sorry I yelled. Help me be better.” I kid you not. My three year old prayed for help.

We sat there hugging and I held her and told her I loved her and so does Jesus. She said she loved me too and was pretty sure Jesus did too. And we calmed down together.

The rest of the day was not perfect. But it was MUCH better.

So the next time we spun out of control, I prayed out loud again. And again, she calmed down. She did not pray this time, but she threw in an “Amen,” when I was finished. And so I did it again. And by golly, she responded the same way again.

I’m sure there will be times when this doesn’t work. But I will still do this. Because not only am I turning to God for help and letting my daughter see that I need His help in the hardest moments, she is learning that she can lean on Him too. She is learning that when things are hard, she can ask Him for help. She is learning that when she is overwhelmed, He can calm her. She is learning that when she is angry, He can help her to see clearly and collect herself before reacting. She is learning to rely on our Heavenly Father, who is fully in control of everything.

So when I am overwhelmed, or tired, or even angry, I pray out loud. Because even if she doesn’t pray it on her own now, she sees it.

You know what they say: more is caught than taught.