Second Child Worry

It’s usually the first time moms that panic and rush to the emergency room in the middle of the night. It’s usually the first time moms that worry about every sneeze, every sniffle, every cough. It’s usually the first time moms because it’s the first time they face this.

Usually, for a second time (or third or fourth or..well, you get the picture) mom, it’s old hat. Usually, we’ve seen it with our first and don’t worry so much with our second. We may even subscribe to the “rub some dirt on it” philosophy.

But sometimes, the second child does make you worry.

You worry when you think back to your first and realize that she rolled a lot sooner than your second did. Or that she giggled a lot more than your second chooses to. You worry that maybe those tests in utero did point to something more. That maybe that’s why she seems to be developing at a different rate.

Then, maybe you look around and see friends kids at the same age hitting milestones so much sooner. So you begin to worry some more.

This is where I am with my Jelly Bean these days. I am things back, and looking around, and worrying that she’s lagging behind. I’m tracking and googling and visiting the CDC website for milestone markers, and researching things I shouldn’t be researching.

And then it happened.

My husband called me out. He saw me pick up my phone and google something about six month olds and said, “You're missing it, babe.” I didn’t know what he meant. I looked up and just saw my kids playing.

Except, it is never just playing. All play is important. All play is a milestone. And this time…

My four year old was holding a monkey toy and shaking it wildly in front of her baby sister. And Jelly Bean was giggling like crazy! And it hit me.

My two kids are two completely different kids. And in their first six months of each of their lives, they were raised by completely different people.

My husband and I are not the same parents we were when we first had Baby T four year ago.

Thanks to a career change and some growing up, my husband is immensely more actively involved in our second born’s life so far. He is even the main caretaker, for the time being.

Because of that career change, and a host of other reasons, our marriage is in a better place now than directly after having Baby T. We fight less than we did with our first. Maybe even because…

I’m in a better place now. I knew my PPD and PPA could come back after having Jelly Bean and I’ve taken steps to deal with them. I am also more vocal when I am struggling.

But aside from the changes to our own personalities...

The realities of parenting multiple kids comes to play. Jelly Bean isn’t our only baby. So some of those things we did with Baby T, just aren’t happening with Jelly Bean. We don’t do tummy time as religiously as we did with our first. Her sleep schedule is forced to revolve around her big sister’s activities schedule. And the days are just flat out filled with more.

That changes things for the second child.

But the fact is that both of our girls are wonderfully and perfectly made. God made no mistakes on them, and their development should not be compared to each other or to others. They’ll each hit their milestones when they hit them, and if they do have struggles in the future, we’ll deal with it then.

And the worry, well, I guess the fact is that every parent worries. But my goal is to worry a little less, and enjoy the time together a little more.