Weary with Heavy Burdens

Ever have those moments where it just becomes too much? I know I do, and I’m honestly sad to say that those moments have been happening more during this shelter-in-place. Now, I am naturally a homebody, and enjoy just hanging out, but this is not that.

I am not able to see friends or family in the way I could before, and I don’t have help for five or more days each week. My husband works for UPS and they are SLAMMED beyond belief. He is working 12 hour days most of the time, which means that I am home with my girls all day, every day. Alone.

He does his best to give me a break on the weekends, but he’s tired, too. He also deserves a break. So our weekends are a delicate balance of trading responsibility, trying to give each other a moment for ourselves, and attempting to stay sane in this absolutely insane world, while also making sure we are also spending time together as a family, because… oh yeah, we’re that too!

Because of this crazy schedule of ours, I am struggling a lot more than I ever have. I crave some alone time, or just a moment where I don’t have a million and three things on my to-do list. I crave adult conversation that isn’t carried out over a computer screen or FaceTime. I crave human interaction. Some of this, I know, is just part of being a mom. But I’ve written before about the importance of us moms taking time for ourselves--that pouring from an empty cup is only going to hurt our family in the long run.

And right now, that’s really what’s happening. This shelter-in-place is creating emotional trauma in adults and kids all over the United States and the world that will take years and years to heal and recover from.

And I am feeling it.

I came across a screenshot on social media this week titled “8 Warning Signs You’re Mentally and Emotionally Exhausted.” It startled me how accurate it was.

I have been feeling the effects of this shelter-in-place, and while I knew I wasn’t my normal self, I didn’t fully grasp the extent of it. I have been so much more irritable in the last few weeks, and have not been able to enjoy my time home with my girls. I have had stomach issues pop up that only occur when I am overwhelmed. I have not been able to sleep well. I am so utterly unmotivated.

Even now, writing this, I have had to refocus myself a handful of times because I’ve considered just walking away from it. But I think that makes writing it so much more important. Because I know I am not alone out there.

I know that I am not the only one feeling the mental and emotional strain of this. I know that others are feeling it, too.

I’m not the only one who is sick of hearing the words “COVID-19” or “CV-19” or “coronavirus,” everywhere. And I just want to note that I am especially sick of having to hear my precious 4 year old ask questions like, “When coronavirus is over, can we do [insert X, Y, Z]?” Because no 4 year old should have to wonder something like that.

No 31 year old should have to wonder something like that either.

I’m exhausted, y’all. I know you are too. I’m with you. I’m here.

But even more than me being here, God is here. He has never left.

I admittedly struggle with that idea sometimes. Sometimes I wonder where He went. But He’s right here. Next to me. Bringing me little bits of relief each day. Sometimes I have to squint a little harder to find it. But sometimes, it’s there, right as rain, plain as day, smack in the middle of my face. I just need to open my eyes.

This is hard. This is exhausting. But He is here.

“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.’ - Jesus (Matthew 11:28).

I fall to this verse often. I know it by heart because it’s truth carries me when I am struggling. It is a reminder that I don’t have to be the one who is strong. He will do it for me. He is my strength. My rock. My savior.

So right now, as I am struggling, I ask Him to take this heavy burden. From me. From you. From all those who are struggling right now in the same way I am. I ask him to give me rest. Give you rest. Give all those who are weary the rest we need.

Sweet momma, you are not alone. I am praying for you tonight to feel his presence and let his love wash over you.

Love,

Becca